A month or so later after he revealed to me that he liked her emotionally, our relationship went to hell. I was a wreck, I was clingy, I needed reassurance, and for that reassurance I needed to be with him every minute of the day. This got tiring after a while, he had enough of it after a while. He said I was suffocating him, and he called a break. We were on a break for a couple weeks, but I still saw him. I insisted we remain as "bed buddies" because I knew no other way of still having a thread of hope of getting him back.
I stuck around as his bed buddy. He still treated me like his girlfriend, and on the first occasion I thought that we were getting back together, but he broke the news to me that we are only friends. Maybe we shouldn't do this bed buddy thing? But I insisted, No, I didn't understand the terms before, I understand now.
There were times during the break that I would call his mobile frantic, because I didn't know where he was and I had this gut feeling that he was out with Pam. On some occasions, that gut feeling was right.
Pam called me, after a while of not calling me, just to shoot the breeze. We talked about nothing. She told me that B. was over at her place a couple days ago fixing her computer. She said that he stayed around, they watched movies, and ordered food. I was hurt. When I had finally gotten hold of B. that day, and I asked him what he has been up to the past few days, he said nothing about that. He told me he had been over to his parents for dinner and he stayed home the other days. I felt hurt and betrayed, I felt like he was hiding something from me.
Pam told me that she had found a boyfriend (her first), but she had also just found out that he was cheating on her. I figured since she told me something private, I could tell her something private. I told her that B. likes somebody else. I didn't tell her it was her, but the minute I told her that she started acting very weird. She would change topics every time I brought up who B. liked. Then she insisted that we make it into a guessing game. I gave up, Okay fine, go ahead guess. She guessed, she made it into a silly game. She threw every body's name in there except her own, even some guys. Even when I told her B. is not gay, she still threw in guys names. I finally had enough with it, I said "Pam, I'm just going to tell you who". And then she acted really weird, she almost screamed "NO, let me guess!". She threw in some more names, and through her talking I tried to say what I wanted to say as well. I repeated, "Look, Pam, I'm just going to tell you". But she wouldn't stop her game. Then she said, "Oh, my mom's calling me! I have to go, I'll call you back in 30 minutes." CLICK. She never called me back.
I know when someone is playing stupid with me. I've played that game many times, so I know when someone is doing the same to me. Pam was obviously playing stupid with me. Not only that, I found it extremely insulting that even when I said to her, "look I'm being serious here" (I said that somewhere in the course of her guessing game), she did not think she should evoke the courtesy to listen. Even if it's something she did not want to hear, I think she should have had at least the courtesy to not fool around that way when I was being dead serious.
I called her back, but she did not pick up. A few days later, B. and I were talking about some stuff. I said I was scared he would start a relationship with Pam, and he assured me that nothing was going to happen between them. He doesn't like her in a way that is necessary to maintain a relationship. She called him, and he told her to come over to return some video she had borrowed from Blockbuster. It was some chick flick movie and I thought it was odd that B. would borrow something like that from Blockbuster. I thought it even odder that Pam had it, because when she told me they hung out, she said they did not rent from Blockbuster because when she told me they watched movies I thought they rented some movies, but she said they did not. So I thought that they hung out again, and again when I asked B. what he was up to for the days I did not see him, he said he didn't do anything.
The Blockbuster tape was due that day, before 12, but she arrived after 12. It turned out that she did not watch the movie yet, so B. invited her to watch it at his place. She walked in, and she said hello to me. I was sitting on the couch folding laundry. B. sat there folding laundry with me, and Pam sat in one of the arm chairs.
"Are you going to watch the movie?" I asked her (my tone wasn't very cordial).
"Yeah"
"So.. are you going to put the movie in the VCR?"
She sat there silently.
I got up and put the movie in the VCR for her (my movements must have been angry, because by then I was steaming with anger and was wondering why she was sitting there like a princess waiting for someone else to do something for her).
"Here's the remote for the VCR" I said. I dropped the remote on the coffee table in front of her. She did not move to pick it up.
I folded one shirt from the pile of laundry and she did not move at all. So I reached over, grabbed the remote, and turned on the movie for her. I knew I was being a bad "host" (because B. considers me not as a "guest" but a "host" since I'm over there so much).
B. asked if she would want to help fold the laundry. She said Okay, but never made a move to grab a shirt or anything.
Finally she said, "why you having an attitude with me for?" (sounds like ghetto New York talk for anyone reading this who's not from New York. Pam and I went to a 50% Hispanic school, she lived in that area so she must have picked up the lingo. I live in an Italian area, but I never got into the whole "futgheddaboutit" kind of thing).
I blew up on her. I said she was playing mind games with me on the phone. And she said, "You're mad at me because I didn't call you back?!"
I said I was mad because she was playing mind games with me. She did not have at least the courtesy to try and listen and not interrupt my every word when I told her I have something serious to tell her.
And she said, "What? So who is it?!"
And I said, "IT'S YOU!"
B. sat there folding laundry.
Pam walked out of the apartment, and B. got up and followed her. I was appalled. Nice of B. to leave me, I thought. When B. came back up later, he was mad at me for blowing up on her. I didn't understand why he was mad, I figured she started it first (childish thinking, I know). I cried because he was mad and I did not understand. I thought he wanted me to apologize, so I called her but I got her voicemail. She must have changed it right after she left the apartment, because now it said, "I hate you, you fucking bitch", instead of her usual voicemail message. I called her a second time a few minutes later and I apologized over and over and over, I was almost in hysterics from my tears.
She said it was okay, she's not mad anymore. I asked her if she could understand how I feel, because the man I love just told me he likes someone else. Not just anyone else, my friend, which makes it so much harder. She assured me that nothing is going to happen between her and B. (just like what B. said), and she said that she would never do anything like that to hurt me. I felt better so I said sorry once again before I hung up.
B. was still giving me the cold shoulder. I went into the bathroom and let the tears fall freely.
I stuck around as his bed buddy. He still treated me like his girlfriend, and on the first occasion I thought that we were getting back together, but he broke the news to me that we are only friends. Maybe we shouldn't do this bed buddy thing? But I insisted, No, I didn't understand the terms before, I understand now.
There were times during the break that I would call his mobile frantic, because I didn't know where he was and I had this gut feeling that he was out with Pam. On some occasions, that gut feeling was right.
Pam called me, after a while of not calling me, just to shoot the breeze. We talked about nothing. She told me that B. was over at her place a couple days ago fixing her computer. She said that he stayed around, they watched movies, and ordered food. I was hurt. When I had finally gotten hold of B. that day, and I asked him what he has been up to the past few days, he said nothing about that. He told me he had been over to his parents for dinner and he stayed home the other days. I felt hurt and betrayed, I felt like he was hiding something from me.
Pam told me that she had found a boyfriend (her first), but she had also just found out that he was cheating on her. I figured since she told me something private, I could tell her something private. I told her that B. likes somebody else. I didn't tell her it was her, but the minute I told her that she started acting very weird. She would change topics every time I brought up who B. liked. Then she insisted that we make it into a guessing game. I gave up, Okay fine, go ahead guess. She guessed, she made it into a silly game. She threw every body's name in there except her own, even some guys. Even when I told her B. is not gay, she still threw in guys names. I finally had enough with it, I said "Pam, I'm just going to tell you who". And then she acted really weird, she almost screamed "NO, let me guess!". She threw in some more names, and through her talking I tried to say what I wanted to say as well. I repeated, "Look, Pam, I'm just going to tell you". But she wouldn't stop her game. Then she said, "Oh, my mom's calling me! I have to go, I'll call you back in 30 minutes." CLICK. She never called me back.
I know when someone is playing stupid with me. I've played that game many times, so I know when someone is doing the same to me. Pam was obviously playing stupid with me. Not only that, I found it extremely insulting that even when I said to her, "look I'm being serious here" (I said that somewhere in the course of her guessing game), she did not think she should evoke the courtesy to listen. Even if it's something she did not want to hear, I think she should have had at least the courtesy to not fool around that way when I was being dead serious.
I called her back, but she did not pick up. A few days later, B. and I were talking about some stuff. I said I was scared he would start a relationship with Pam, and he assured me that nothing was going to happen between them. He doesn't like her in a way that is necessary to maintain a relationship. She called him, and he told her to come over to return some video she had borrowed from Blockbuster. It was some chick flick movie and I thought it was odd that B. would borrow something like that from Blockbuster. I thought it even odder that Pam had it, because when she told me they hung out, she said they did not rent from Blockbuster because when she told me they watched movies I thought they rented some movies, but she said they did not. So I thought that they hung out again, and again when I asked B. what he was up to for the days I did not see him, he said he didn't do anything.
The Blockbuster tape was due that day, before 12, but she arrived after 12. It turned out that she did not watch the movie yet, so B. invited her to watch it at his place. She walked in, and she said hello to me. I was sitting on the couch folding laundry. B. sat there folding laundry with me, and Pam sat in one of the arm chairs.
"Are you going to watch the movie?" I asked her (my tone wasn't very cordial).
"Yeah"
"So.. are you going to put the movie in the VCR?"
She sat there silently.
I got up and put the movie in the VCR for her (my movements must have been angry, because by then I was steaming with anger and was wondering why she was sitting there like a princess waiting for someone else to do something for her).
"Here's the remote for the VCR" I said. I dropped the remote on the coffee table in front of her. She did not move to pick it up.
I folded one shirt from the pile of laundry and she did not move at all. So I reached over, grabbed the remote, and turned on the movie for her. I knew I was being a bad "host" (because B. considers me not as a "guest" but a "host" since I'm over there so much).
B. asked if she would want to help fold the laundry. She said Okay, but never made a move to grab a shirt or anything.
Finally she said, "why you having an attitude with me for?" (sounds like ghetto New York talk for anyone reading this who's not from New York. Pam and I went to a 50% Hispanic school, she lived in that area so she must have picked up the lingo. I live in an Italian area, but I never got into the whole "futgheddaboutit" kind of thing).
I blew up on her. I said she was playing mind games with me on the phone. And she said, "You're mad at me because I didn't call you back?!"
I said I was mad because she was playing mind games with me. She did not have at least the courtesy to try and listen and not interrupt my every word when I told her I have something serious to tell her.
And she said, "What? So who is it?!"
And I said, "IT'S YOU!"
B. sat there folding laundry.
Pam walked out of the apartment, and B. got up and followed her. I was appalled. Nice of B. to leave me, I thought. When B. came back up later, he was mad at me for blowing up on her. I didn't understand why he was mad, I figured she started it first (childish thinking, I know). I cried because he was mad and I did not understand. I thought he wanted me to apologize, so I called her but I got her voicemail. She must have changed it right after she left the apartment, because now it said, "I hate you, you fucking bitch", instead of her usual voicemail message. I called her a second time a few minutes later and I apologized over and over and over, I was almost in hysterics from my tears.
She said it was okay, she's not mad anymore. I asked her if she could understand how I feel, because the man I love just told me he likes someone else. Not just anyone else, my friend, which makes it so much harder. She assured me that nothing is going to happen between her and B. (just like what B. said), and she said that she would never do anything like that to hurt me. I felt better so I said sorry once again before I hung up.
B. was still giving me the cold shoulder. I went into the bathroom and let the tears fall freely.
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